Hi Frank,
This is really great. You get your characters so well.
And the slow pace, the pauses, the (deliberate) way you control us as
readers - because we know the end, we know it! - yet you just keep on at the
same slow deliberate pace... and I feel I don't want to hurry through the
poem either!
Part of me, tho, doesn't need the last two stanzas! Yet part of me does! I'm
in two minds...
But that might be because I don't know dogs! (It might be that a dog owner,
someone who appreciates their ways much better than I, might say "They're
describing the moment just right!"). I also sort of felt the allusion to
thunder may be accurate, but may be too much (I sort of feel - and I sense
you don't have to feel close to a dog to know this -that we all know too
well what the sound is like!).
Bob
>From: Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub - exercises in control
>Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2003 19:56:36 +1000
>
>exercises in control
>
>he calls the dog to stand
>sit
>roll over
>on the outside table
>
>he makes him stay
>while he walks across
>to a bag on a hook
>on the wall
>takes a treat and breaks off a bite
>throws to the dog
>for a catch on the fly
>and a wide-tooth tongue-lolling grin
>
>he shakes the left
>and the right
>shows how obedience works
>with a part of the treat
>placed under the nose
>only touched on command
>when released
>by a word
>
>he pats the pit-bull
>big thumps
>and the dog just smiles
>all over his face
>again
>
>both are happy
>
>she comes to the door
>and she's talking
>the dog
>seems not quite to notice
>the man does not respond
>for awhile
>
>but she keeps talking
>he grunts something
>just a sound she cannot have heard
>for she keeps talking
>he tells her in clear terms
>the answer to her question
>he has learned he may need
>to raise his voice
>
>but she keeps talking
>about the same thing and the same thing
>she keeps saying the same thing
>until he shouts
>and he tells her what a fool she is
>can she not
>please please be quiet
>he can't hear himself think
>and she might drive him crazy
>
>she falls quiet
>for a moment
>in a way
>but not quite entirely
>for now there is sobbing
>from just over
>behind his left shoulder
>
>she is sorry
>she can't help it
>she didn't mean to be trouble
>he says that's ok
>but she needs to try harder
>she repeats herself
>doesn't listen
>he says
>sometimes he can't stand it
>anymore
>can't stand her
>anymore
>
>then she quiets
>and she asks him a question
>follows with another
>on the same theme
>a slight variation and her own suggestion
>about the answer
>that sets her to think out
>fast and aloud
>
>and asks him
>the same thing once again
>until he holds his head
>in both hands
>and believes he might cry
>he might scream
>he might break down a wall
>or the fence
>he doesn't dare
>to let himself speak
>
>but the hair
>on the back of the dog
>rises rough
>in the centre
>of a line that runs
>all the way to his tail
>
>he growls
>a low growl
>that does not show at all
>on the outside
>but rolls out like slow thunder
>
>he watches her
>and waits
>
>~
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