Carl,
I appreciate these comments.
Thanks,
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Carl Reimann" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2003 5:33 AM
Subject: Re: curiosity
I don't understand what the grammatical laxity of this poem apports to
your meaning. The tone strikes me as ponderous, and the narrator's guess
about rabbits in the grass or nibbling the flowers turns out to be oddly
prescient. I did think the second strophe was much better than the first,
though, and at the end I was watching the rabbit watch me. Perhaps you
could incorporate quivering ears or nostrils. One thing I've always
thought about rabbits is that like many animals with eyes toward the
side of the head, they seem to have greater range of vision, as indeed
they do. Maybe you could capture that, too: it might even add to the
hazy overall nature of the poem.
Carl
===================
Curiosity
Marks on the grass
are what I notice first at the new place,
from garden toys perhaps that children had
and took with them when they went away,
the cat flap on the door with scratches next,
then picture children, playing with the cat,
with other clues, both in and out
reach conclusions
about how they lived,
using for instance
the nibbled flowers in the border,
the faint runs in the grass
to envisage rabbits
even the cat had not caught.
I scan the wall.
No way in
and nowhere to hide
until I move to a bramble bush
and kneeling, behind it notice
a stone missing from the wall-
a conduit to the field beyond-
framed in the light
a pair of long ears
alert to whatever swoops or stalks,
legs ready to run,
and wide eyes,
aware now of this frail creature
staring inquisitively in.
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