A funny poem! Well, here are my nits. "bends" seems off; my mind keeps
returning to the sight of him bending to use the brush and pan. And
surely the narrator wants him to bend his will. L5-6 incorporates a
near-tautology; try to pack the humor more densely, perhaps. And last,
I don't follow the premise for the volta: (a) I might win the lottery,
or (b) he's out there on the Internet: I'm not seeing the continuity
between the two. I think "specimens" and "bends" are a weak pair because
the accentuation is so different. However, at least in "specimens" the
accent occurs on the same point of assonance that "bends" features.
Carl
======================
Slave
Well, if by chance, I win the lottery,
I'll buy a man and work him to the bone.
I'll save a fortune: electricity
keeps going up - he'll use the brush and pan.
A young and fit one's almost bound to prove
more durable than flabby specimens.
I'll rule him with a whip and iron glove
and heaven help him if he slacks or bends.
Intellect's not required, but he must read
lists of instructions, recipes and lips
(if he's disruptive he'll be sent to bed
with Mrs. Beeton's book of household tips).
But if my lucky numbers fail, I bet
he's out there somewhere on the internet.
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