Hi Ryfkah,

Yes, I'm finding that some of the pieces I've been doing are being received
as 'reportage', and quite a bit of feedback suggests a lack of
emotion/feeling. I'm not currently sure what I can do about this, as I've
found the business of coherently distilling conversation to highlight what
elements that caught my interest or whatever to be personally satisfying,
but recognise that this is not sufficient, particularly if readers are
asking for more. I can only contemplate furhter on this and see how it
resolves itself.

I guess you mean the line breaks are odd or don't work as well as they
might? I'll take another look at them and see if they can work a little
better. I have just written a very long piece - whether discourse or
monologue or what I'm not sure, but I had a lot of grief in trying to work
out an effective way of doing line breaks in such a long piece. I think I'm
losing my touch LOL. I'll try to fix.

Thanks again for comments, Ryfkah, I appreciate them.

Cheers,

Frank



<<   especially since he died,  I've thought about it a lot

  and wished that

  sometimes

  I'd bought a six-pack, or a bottle of scotch,

  and at least offered it to him. >>

I like the nostalgia here – very archetypal.  I would like to see more
feeling in the poem.  I also find some of your line-breaks interesting
choices.  I like the subject matter which is ordinary but speaks of more
important underlying thoughts.

kol tuv, Ryfkah