Shah,
Looks good,
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "c s shah" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, April 20, 2003 2:32 PM
Subject: Re: changing times (colin)
> Yes, Colin, minor changes are made,
> (Dictionary mentions "destitute" as an Adjective!).
> The modified version:
>
> Changing Times
>
> The sand was dirty, dry and brown
> as the sea had backed away
> in fear of 'reclamation drive'.
> Gays, destitute, dogs and vendors
> greedily occupied the stretch
> between upcoming apartments
> and receding waves.
>
> Such places are conducive to the business.
>
> She, new to the metro, strolled
> with her man, hand in hand, unaware
> of fishy smell the wind carried,
> or piece of flesh a kite dropped.
> A little girl, dressed in poverty,
> touched her sari -
> a gesture for a bread or a penny.
> She withdrew in disgust and said:
> Ahead of the sun, the beach has become
> the land of setting civilization.
> --
>
> c s shah
>
> > Colin dewar wrote:
> > Shah,
> > I wonder if an "s" after destitute would sound better. Also, should it
> > be "setting on a civilisation" since "of" has already appeared in that
> > line? I prefer "unaware" to "unmindful" but it's a matter of taste.
> > An enigmatic and interesting poem.
>
>
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