Bit late for a rework, it's been on the web for ages.
See
http://www.lapoetessa.com/newpoetry.htm
Do you have a name we can use?
I distrust anonimity.
Roger
----- Original Message -----
From: "Carl Reimann" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, April 18, 2003 11:52 PM
Subject: Re: Songs of Love - Petrarchan Sonnet
> I am glad to see that you enjoy the sonnet form! Here are my comments,
> for what they're worth!
>
> "who then will write of lust" doesn't connect very well to "if songs of
> love ... can please". The overall phrasing implies that they should be
> connected.
>
> I think L5 should be re-cast as a statement: "What fools we are, to bend
> the form for ease / of fit." The question is piled on another rhetorical
> question.
>
> How does a pattern cut or thrust? What happens to a pitcher when placed
> where swords and daggers rust, i.e. in a moist area?
>
> "In life it can be so": what can be how?
>
> "If sung in time..." is not a complete sentence.
>
> Is there that much forgiveness among people, to forgive in the way that
> winds blow? It seems an oddly sweeping statement.
>
> Carl
> ================
>
> Songs of Love - Petrarchan Sonnet
>
> Pray tell - if songs of love in rhyme can please,
> and should we all be lost in sandune's dust
> like thoughts in time, who then will write of lust?
> In making haste, words fail and yet words tease.
>
> What fools are we, to bend the form for ease
> of fit? In tempered pattern's cut and thrust,
> like pitchers placed where swords and daggers rust,
> in life it can be so, for words can freeze.
>
> In songs of love we write in rhyme to sway
> the heart. If sung in time, for words are songs
> of love as Muses too have loves to hold.
>
> We think it game to scoff at other's ways
> and yet in time they will forgive our wrongs,
> as Zephyrs blow and speak in words untold.
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