Bob, there are parts that are deliberately redundant but you have pointed it
out where it was not intended. So thanks.
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, April 17, 2003 11:47 PM
Subject: Re: newsub/stench
> Hi Colin,
> I think this is a canny piece but (Grin!) too long! I sort of feel it
could
> work if it were taken to the barber's. I feel the guy with the scissors
and
> comb would be asking "is this really needed - could it work without this
bit
> - is this repeating what I've already said?"
> I'm not saying I'm doing everything right (I don't think I am) but I've
put
> bits in brackets I feel ain't needed - cos they don't get past the
questions
> I've posed... It could be that one or two bits could stay, but only after
a
> struggle!
> A title like "The Stench" is memorable, brutal.
> Bob
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: newsub/stench
> >Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 16:06:12 +0100
> >
> >It Was Not Easy to Ignore the Stench
> >
> >It was not easy to ignore the (mephitic) stench
> (>as it wafted across the lawn-)
> >the unmistakable smell of rotting flesh-
> >guessed at corpse of cat or dog
> >hidden in undergrowth.
> >We hoped to dig it out (and move it on,)
> >but the summer tangle was too dense -
> (>not stick nor) "a" spade could find the putrid place.
> >
> >Flies buzzed (and assailed our senses,)
> >lay like eyes on the bushes,
> >but never showed the way.
> >So we turned back
> >to the short grass of the lawn,
> >buried our faces in roses,
> >made jokes about the smell.
> >Someone said it must be a dead rabbit
> >and someone else (that it could be) a mouse.
> >
> >We only talked of crawling under bushes
> (>all the way to the hedge,)
> >explored without success,
> (>expressed bewilderment)
> >and said that the smell was declining,
> >that whatever it was
> >the maggots (and sextons) would have it soon.
> >We drank orange juice
> >and talked of other things all summer,
> >played with the baby as it learnt to crawl,
> >remarked that the flowers this year
> >were better than ever before.
> >
> >What might have lain there
> >we knew only in dreams,
> >in the lingering dread of days gone by.
> >We tried to forget the foetid wind
> >pressing the glass at night,
> (>the peeling paint at the window's edge.)
> >We never looked beyond the hedge
> >till one (more curious than the rest)
> >ventured and found at last
> >what none had ever wished to find,
> >the tattered clothes and ribs (that would not disappear,)
> >organs liquefying into the ground,
> >a skull exposed (in parts) with grinning teeth,
> (>the remains of a face,) missing for half a year.
> >
> >
> >________________________________________
> >
> > Title?
> >
> >
> >
> >Colin
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
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