Dear James,
I am fascinated to see how this turns out as a sonnet. I suspect it has gone
too far as free verse to adapt to the sonnet form- it may be like trying to
stuff it into corsets. I feel there's a point, like the point in the
development of an embryo when the form of a poem is determined.
I think of it a bit like learning a language. You have to try for the point
when you're thinking in the language, rather than translating. I'm sure some
free verse can be translated into a sonnet, but would imagine it's better to
think of the sonnet form as early as possible.
So, as I said, I'm intrigued to see how this works out. Please keep us
posted.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2003 12:03 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Five Minutes
> I haven't posted much new stuff recently as time seems to be against me
and
> poems themselves get jotted into my notebook very quickly. This is an
> example of the time constraint. C&C welcome. I think this could develop
into
> a sonnet if it isn't already sans many of the said requirements other than
> the concentrated thought.
>
> FIVE MINUTES
>
> Only five minutes to go
> to write it down before you return
> and foget how the sun hit the sand
> on the bank at the opposite bank
> and a tornado jet flew low
> and blasted the silence with sound
> and where for long seconds after
> all the birds contained themselves
> in silence with only a tickle
> of movement of water against the bank
> and a snipe with a seasonal long midday
> shadow darts past a breeding pair
> of lapwings in a phase of busyness.
> Five minutes pass and life returns
> to the river normal.....
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
>
|