Dear Shah,
The problem for me is that these don't perform as poems. They are a
collection of prose witticisms or wry comments with line-breaks. The
line-breaks aren't enough to transform them into verse. You will find
wonderful one-sentence witticisms scattered though Oscar Wilde's plays, say,
but they are not poems.
To make these thoughts into poetic experiences, I think takes more work. If
you could work them into real tongue-twisters with lots of alliteration, or
work then into rhyming epigrams, for instance, I think they could be
excellent, but I don't think they offer enough as they stand to be
satisfying poetry - just my personal reaction.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "c s shah" <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2003 2:17 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] Tongue Twisters: NEW
> Tongue Twisters
>
> Twisted accounts resurface
> after a lapse of time
> as collapsed economies.
>
> An ironic end to the story
> won her a literary prize
> at the cost of twisted psyche.
>
> Since she twisted her hair
> in serpentine pleats
> flirts have taken to their heels.
>
> Don't twist my wrist
> with the ease
> historians twist the facts.
> --
>
> c s shah
>
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