Hi Christina,
Sorry, I can't help. In each version I've seen it's so obvious to me that he
can't see! What do others think?
Bob






>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Sub: Z (Bob)
>Date: Sat, 11 Jan 2003 08:43:17 EST
>
>Thanks very much, Bob.  I'm really glad that you like it.  The thing that's
>really upsetting me about it is that I don't think it's coming across that
>the narrator's blind and I'm not sure what to do about it because I don't
>want to spell it out.  I suppose I could just leave it as it is or perhaps
>the blinding flash?  I'm just not sure what to do.  The relevance of the
>last
>line is mostly lost if the reader doesn't realise but no-one I've asked so
>far has twigged.  Oh dear...
>bw
>c
>
>
>
> > Hi Christina,
> > Wow! I like this a lot!
> > There's a fine sense of rhythm (and I love the way the two "without"
>words
> > work! And, for me, there's still a strong hint at it (still) being a
>sonnet:
> > I mean starts with the present, then details the past - so, so it's
>working
> > with different times, that's the two sections a sonnet needs - and then
> > there's a striking conclusion! A loosened knocked-about sonnet for our
> > loosened knocked-about world!
> >
> > I see as well, in your revision, where you're thoughts about my piece
>relate
> > to what you've done with yours as well! In omitting the first statements
> > your narrator is (now only) writing from one point of view.
> > Bob
> >
>
>


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