Hi Mike,
Adjectives etc (your first point). I meant endless, unforgiving, happy...
and I've a feeling I may not be the only person who may think, "H'm, I've
heard that adjective-noun combination before..."). The rest of the poem is
fresh so why not keep it fresh all the way through?
And... Tightening up the title/what's not right with the title/what's wrong
with the title?
Well, I was thinking that the poem doesn't mention Finland, it only mentions
Medusa (who has no links to Finland - she'd probably freeze if she got half
way to "the north" - ande her snakes'd drop off!). I find it's Finnishness
appealing but I don't think I would have found it without your additional
comment about the country.
I'd push what I'm saying out onto the ice like this: I sense a poem gains by
having a specific "sense of place" (and, even tho I'm a Northerner, I'm not
as North as the poem is. North, like all Ultima Thules is always elsewhere.
This poem isn't elsewhere, it's somewhere! Where? Finland (where in Finland?
In a Forest. Which Forest? etc... etc.) etc.
I could ask myself, however, what about Robert Frost's Walking In Woods On A
Snowy Evening (or some title like that!) - does he have a sense of place?
And I'd want to reply "Yes... because, by the time the poem appeared it was
known where he lived."
Bob
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Life and Death in the North - Bob
>Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 14:33:34 +0200
>
>Hi Bob,
> Many thanks for your comments on this piece. I´ll have another look
>at the last stanza in the light of your comments and see if I can improve
>it. The only obvious phrase that I can see that might jar is `happy band´
>which is more than a little twee. I used it because I thought it suited my
>narrator´s totally unrealistic view of this northern climate. Perhaps some
>of the familiar adjectives could be justified on the same grounds. Or
>perhaps not. I´ll think about it. This is a real problem in writing in
>general - a subject for later debate(?)
> I take your point about the line `no life is possible here´ when in fact
>there is plenty of it. I had not thought about, or even noticed, this
>contradiction and I think this highlights one of the great benefits of this
>kind of list - a new pair of eyes sees so much more. I think I would try to
>justify my use of `possible´ here though in these terms; the speaker in the
>poem is an unreliable witness, repeatedly misinterpreting what he sees and
>making inaccurate judgements and comments about it. That, indeed, is one of
>the themes of the poem and in that sense, his use of `possible´ though
>contradictory is in keeping with his other rash and unfounded judgements.
>The same might be said about the line in the next stanza `where no feet can
>have run´. Although I hadn´t noticed the contradiction in `possible´, I was
>aware that my speaker´s words were unreliable and I deliberately placed
>`lies´ at the end of its line to draw attention to the other meaning of
>that word in this context. Does any of this make sense?
>Your query about the title has me a bit puzzled. The narrative is about
>life and death in the north - the life and death of the little furry
>animals. Could you give me a hint of what alternative you had in mind?
>You also asked about any Finnish connection with the phrase `dead end of
>the year´. So far as I know this phrase is not used in Finnish.
>Many thanks, Bob, for your detailed response.
>
>Best wishes, Mike
>
>
>
>--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
>Hi Mike,
>I really, really like this poem! Maybe it's the way the first 3 lines end
>in
>full stops and I feel their power (I seem to feel the silence at the end of
>each line of a landscape that's under heavy snow...). Then the poem lets me
>move slowly through each image that follows. It's easy to read and
>skillfully done.
>And you write "If anyone's wondering what it's like in Finland just now..."
>Well, I've a friend who's gone back home for the holiday. I'll see her
>again
>in a fortnight! So I've been wondering!!! I find a sense of place.
>I've also just been wondering about your last stanza. It gives a feel of
>using other peoples well worn adjectives (endless, unforgiven) and the tone
>seems to slip into thinking "I'm a poem" which is a shame because all that
>had gone before it was so fresh and far more unselfconsciously a poem.
>I guess it may be because you're not just doing the reflecting, but
>directing it as well, in the concluding stanza (whereas in the previous
>stanzas I was doing that through the descriptions I was being given!). Know
>what I mean?
>And any chance of a title that really fits the specifics of the poem?
>(Oh, and just a question...) And is the phrase you repeat "the dead end of
>the year," is that a translation of something Finnish - like "back end" is
>used for autumn in parts of the UK?
>Bob
>PS I've also suggested a specific change - challenged a word - (in
>brackets)
>below!
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: New sub: Life and Death in the North
> >Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 10:44:15 +0200
> >
> >If any of you have been wondering what it´s like in Finland just now,
>it´s
> >quite a lot like this:
> >
> >
> >
> >Life and Death in the North
> >
> >This is the dead end of the year.
> >Nothing lives under this lowering sky.
> >The frozen air weighs like stone.
> >Booted and scarved and wool-wrapped to the ears
> >I step out on the empty land
> >where a line of distant pines divides
> >converging planes of white and grey.
> >
> >This is the dead end of the world.
> >No life is "possible" here. (I think you mean "visible" because, you
> >continue:)
> >Everything warm has left, "or lies
> >hidden and sleeping." (ie it's there but invisible!)
> >A graveyard of summer´s rushes
> >stand in frozen stasis at the ice-lake´s rim
> >looking on the cold Medusa face,
> >impervious to the wind´s persuasion.
> >
> >Shadows over the untouched white
> >resolve to footprints of finger´s-end size
> >where no feet can have run.
> >Is this the ice-light playing tricks?
> >Stepping closer I marvel to see them
> >sweep in lines between the stems,
> >twist, arc and double back,
> >colliding with companion trails.
> >
> >In all these endless miles of cold,
> >under this unforgiving sky,
> >confounding all my previous prejudice,
> >a family of some tiny creatures had sported here.
> >And in the centre of their circling runs
> >a patch was wildly scuffed and trodden,
> >as if the happy band had held a midnight dance.
> >
> >Or something larger had surprised them at their play.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Mike
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
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