Philip. in my book this is certainly a villanelle, not only because you
follow the line and rhyme system, but because you have the worry-it sort of
subject that makes a good villanelle and I think it is quite successful. I
only find  'be it said' and 'rears its head' jar, because they are a bit
obvious. If you could extend what you are saying to add something in a
couple of alternative (additional)  phrases on those two places, instead of
using phrases that simply pad to rhyme, it would be very good. I think
perhaps be it said would do if you changed the other one, but not two such
close cliches. You have quite rightly picked a fairly easy rhyme sound for
the variant rhymes, so I think you can do it. (I particularly like
'uncomplicated' as a rhyme word as you have made it master the rhythm and
slow the thing down to wait for it.
bw
SallyE

on 2/1/03 8:18 pm, Philip Burton at [log in to unmask] wrote:

> THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN….  (second draft)
> 
> - a villanelle
> 
> 
> As I am red-green colour-blind -
> or ‘colour challenged’ be it said.
> You think I will be left behind
> 
> when a palette of hues, unkind
> as showy Autumn’s, rears its head.
> As I am red-green colour-blind
> 
> you think that russets must incline
> to show me nothing much instead?
> You think I will be left behind.
> 
> But in my canopy of mind
> bright green communicates as red.
> As I am red-green colour-blind
> 
> I can see olive green enshrined
> in pale brown that, to you, is dead.
> You think I will be left behind
> 
> by October leaves, yet I find
> them charming, uncomplicated.
> As I am red-green colour-blind
> you think I will be left behind.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
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