Frank,
The word order is often determined by the best sounds, for me, but now I am
putting some thought in whether inversions are a good thing. I don't know
though, if the strongest word (usually a verb) comes first doesn't this
increase the impact?
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Faust" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2003 11:54 PM
Subject: Re: newsub/darkness and light
> Hi Colin,
>
> Nice piece. There were a couple of places where I think the use of words
is
> a bit odd - reminds me of the things that get picked up in crit on my own
> pieces, so I thought I'd mention one - 'where chuckles the river water
> through roots' Seems like the more logical order is: 'where the river
water
> chuckles through roots', but as I say, it's the kind of thing I'm guilty
of
> myself, so maybe its fine.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Frank
> > Darkness and Light
> >
> > The field is lit with tiny flowers,
> > the grass silvered with new growth
> > that I have walked among for hours.
> > From the edge is an opening
> > where I flop in from the hot sun
> > to a cave of branches,
> > descend to a mossy chasm
> > where chuckles the river water through roots
> > and darts the fingerling trout from stone to stone.
> > My eyes adapt and catch the flicker of a little bat
> > as it lifts an insect from the passing film.
> >
> > I did not come here by accident.
> > I came looking for something.
> > I have not found it,
> > but it might be here when I return.
> > I have left word with the gossiping leaves,
> > a stone buried in the loam.
> > I cannot see around the corner
> > to the source of the endless water,
> > nor the pattern of pebbles on the river bed.
> >
> > I cannot see far through the trees
> > but know how in darkness
> > these branches will grow towards light,
> > this river flow to a loch
> > that holds hills and voyaging cloud.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Colin
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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>
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