Hi Colin,
Nice piece. There were a couple of places where I think the use of words is
a bit odd - reminds me of the things that get picked up in crit on my own
pieces, so I thought I'd mention one - 'where chuckles the river water
through roots' Seems like the more logical order is: 'where the river water
chuckles through roots', but as I say, it's the kind of thing I'm guilty of
myself, so maybe its fine.
Cheers,
Frank
> Darkness and Light
>
> The field is lit with tiny flowers,
> the grass silvered with new growth
> that I have walked among for hours.
> From the edge is an opening
> where I flop in from the hot sun
> to a cave of branches,
> descend to a mossy chasm
> where chuckles the river water through roots
> and darts the fingerling trout from stone to stone.
> My eyes adapt and catch the flicker of a little bat
> as it lifts an insect from the passing film.
>
> I did not come here by accident.
> I came looking for something.
> I have not found it,
> but it might be here when I return.
> I have left word with the gossiping leaves,
> a stone buried in the loam.
> I cannot see around the corner
> to the source of the endless water,
> nor the pattern of pebbles on the river bed.
>
> I cannot see far through the trees
> but know how in darkness
> these branches will grow towards light,
> this river flow to a loch
> that holds hills and voyaging cloud.
>
>
>
>
>
> Colin
>
>
>
>
>
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