Arth,

Thanks for the suggs which seem obvious now that you have made them. Your
reproduction of the B-film, "Beware sor... had me chuckling in my seat and
chuckling again whenever I recollected it on my way to work. I saw one or
two when I was a teenager. That's how it was, the character scarred over one
eye, with long dishevelled hair and a black cloak, bursting into the room at
3am, "Did ay startle you?" Then, "Beware sor..


Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "arthur seeley" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 4:19 PM
Subject: Re: newsub/walk


> I like the breadth and fresh air of this poem, Colin, but the inversions
in
> 'Beware of the storm...........moors is many a life.' is needless and
> laborious. I cannot see that it gains from the inversion in anyway and is
> not rhyme driven at all.
> What is wrong with:
> 'Beware of the storm that blows from the North,
> > how it gathers the blindness of night,
> > for many lives are lost on the moors.'
>
> Even then with the 'Beware' it sounds like a line from a B horror movie. '
> Beware, sor, no one goes on the moor at this toim of night, sor. Not when
> the moon be full. '
> Just an honest response. But you have inverted ' In our coats are many
> lesser jewels' also. Arthur
>
> rom: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 8:03 PM
> Subject: newsub/walk
>
>
> > The track
> >
> >
> > Have we gone far enough on our walk?
> > Shall we sit on a bank of grass
> > and gaze to the beckoning loch?
> > Beware of the storm that blows from the North,
> > how gathers the blindness of night,
> > for lost on the moors is many a life.
> >
> > The track has done well so far.
> > It is made from the spoil of mines,
> > and meanders through hills
> > with crystals of quartz, of iron pyrites
> > and pale copper blue
> > that shine from its back.
> > In our coats we gather such lesser jewels.
> >
> > Do you think we can make it to the lapping water,
> > the haunt of heron and reeds
> > to dip our hands in ambered shallows,
> > to listen to the curlew's lonesome cry?
> > Or shall we rest for a while with the grass of last year,
> > go home with our pockets of quartz and fool's gold?
> >
> > ___________________________________________
> >
> >
> > Colin
> >
> >
> >
> > iron pyrites = fool's gold
>
>