Hello Colin,
I think you´ve got a good subject, tone and focus in this poem. A few small points you might like to look at again. I´d cut `that´ in line 2. I was a bit put off by the vandalism in line 5. At first I thought stamping on a rusty kettle was too trivial for an act of vandalsim, unlike defacing the wall. But now I think the problem is that in such a location the presence of a dented, rusty kettle would not appear as an example of vandalism, whereas a defaced wall would. In line 8 I´m a bit puzzled why the view was `once beautiful´, surely the view has not deteriorated along with the house. I´m not sure `unshackled´ in line 11 is really the word you want.´I´ve only mentioned the things that I felt might need reworking, all the rest works very well and creates an interesting atmosphere.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Dissolution
Around the bend
a house that we enter,
wary of rafter and falling floor.
Vandals came before,
staved in the sides of a rusted kettle
and defaced the wall.
Heads of grass dance on the bright sill,
overlooking what was once a beautiful view
on an afternoon like this.
Watery moors shine through
and unshackled clouds cruise overhead.
This house is returning to the unhuman,
into the pit of the earth,
ground under the hooves of cows,
washed into the beds of clear streams.
Colin
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