I like the breadth and fresh air of this poem, Colin, but the inversions in
'Beware of the storm...........moors is many a life.' is needless and
laborious. I cannot see that it gains from the inversion in anyway and is
not rhyme driven at all.
What is wrong with:
'Beware of the storm that blows from the North,
> how it gathers the blindness of night,
> for many lives are lost on the moors.'
Even then with the 'Beware' it sounds like a line from a B horror movie. '
Beware, sor, no one goes on the moor at this toim of night, sor. Not when
the moon be full. '
Just an honest response. But you have inverted ' In our coats are many
lesser jewels' also. Arthur
rom: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 8:03 PM
Subject: newsub/walk
> The track
>
>
> Have we gone far enough on our walk?
> Shall we sit on a bank of grass
> and gaze to the beckoning loch?
> Beware of the storm that blows from the North,
> how gathers the blindness of night,
> for lost on the moors is many a life.
>
> The track has done well so far.
> It is made from the spoil of mines,
> and meanders through hills
> with crystals of quartz, of iron pyrites
> and pale copper blue
> that shine from its back.
> In our coats we gather such lesser jewels.
>
> Do you think we can make it to the lapping water,
> the haunt of heron and reeds
> to dip our hands in ambered shallows,
> to listen to the curlew's lonesome cry?
> Or shall we rest for a while with the grass of last year,
> go home with our pockets of quartz and fool's gold?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> Colin
>
>
>
> iron pyrites = fool's gold
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