Thanks for the suggestions.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 01.09.03 1:12:52 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Hi Ryfkah,
You create a universal scene of parting. Some quibs. "Amber" "umber" is nice
internal rhyme but confusing colours describing the same scene. Also how
could he "leave before dawn" but then "They laughed about veiled women". I'd
suggest cutting the first three lines in the stanza as it is a low point in
an otherwise strong poem. Hope this helps.
bw
James >>
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