Hi Ryfkah,
Hey, I like this poem!! The way the couplets make me pause and savour what
I've just read (and enjoy the way the words work and sound).
I'm wondering about the line: "she sparred into life" though... does it mean
that's how her life began/how she was born? I think it must but it seems to
arrive so abruptly in the poem! (I can almost cope with its abruptness tho -
- - But... Hey maybe it's "sparked into life" that's been played with! I
mean there's plenty of other similar tricksy sound games all the way through
the poem!)
It's a cracker of a poem, the variety of powerful images and "morsel of
immortality" an amazing phrase!
Bob
>From: Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New poem: One More Birthday
>Date: Sat, 5 Apr 2003 02:02:19 EST
>
>One More Birthday
>
>Fireworks ferment on the freeway
>a Disneyland donation on Friday night
>
>A daughter's twenty-first birthday
>celebrated with Persian cuisine and candlelight
>
>With fighter's face and fiery hair
>she sparred into life
>
>spun sewing thread webs in the air
>wore cowgirl boots to kickbox strife
>
>My child orders her first drink
>Her lips gnarl with distaste
>
>Alone I think
>about the innocence we waste
>
>some morsel of immortality
>still savored in memory
>
>Ryfkah 4/4/03
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