Hi Shah,
Is the word "had" in the second line right??? Should it be "Have?"
Your use of the word "Call" in the last line of the first stanza feels
unusual in the way I use English.
And I don't understand the significance of the things you mention in this
poem... you write: "my gun and THE sword" - and I'm thinking, so what's
special about the sword? (Sometimes small words like "The" or "A" can matter
a lot in a poem - where there often aren't many words so the ones that are
there carry a lot of significance)
The phrase "the clash of the metals" is something else I don't understand...
And, even tho I've been thinking it through for days, I can't fit the "fact
or fiction" part of the title onto the poem. Is that phrase meant to imply
ironies?
Bob






>From: c s shah <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Ashrama: Fact or Fiction
>Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2003 23:18:32 +0530
>
>Ashrama: Fact or Fiction
>
>I
>You are looking great today,
>had you been to the ashrama?
>That empty space punctuated
>by a lonely central hut,
>as if holding the tent of the sky
>high, dreamy high;
>deceptive some people say,
>and elevating call the others.
>
>II
>Did the hermit apply the facelift
>of soothing sermons
>that you appear fresh as a petal?
>And here I polish my gun and the sword,
>as I prepare myself
>for the clash of the metals,
>overruling the recommendations
>of peaceful coexistence.
>~
>
>c s shah


_________________________________________________________________
Worried what your kids see online? Protect them better with MSN 8
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/parental&pgmarket=en-gb&XAPID=186&DI=1059