Dear Shah.
Sorry you didn't like my poem, but I think your comments raise an
interesting discussion topic. You write:
'The poem appears a bit stretched; could have said the same thing in lesser
words.'
Is a poem about saying something in the fewest possible words? What is the
'thing' that you think I am trying to say with this poem?
There are some poems that you can argue are about making a statement- some
discursive poems could be paraphrased- but I don't think this is the purpose
of poetry in general.
This poem is more about exploring a metaphor and creating an atmosphere than
anything else. I am not trying to 'say' anything to the reader, but to
communicate a part of my imagination. So far as I had a conscious intention
about this piece, it was about trying to create a poetic experience that
would give pleasure to a reader rather than about making any statement.
I would be interested to know what others think about what a poem 'says'.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "c s shah" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, April 05, 2003 3:17 AM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Mermaiden
> The poem appears a bit stretched; could have said the same thing in
> lesser words.
>
> "Limpets lickle": alliteration appears a bit artificial and forced.
> (Lickle is not found in dictionary.)
>
> "Irish" can be omitted to maintain inherent rhythm.
>
> The "cruel ocean" does not fit, for ocean is a symbol of vastness and
> infinity; and vast and deep cannot be cruel.
>
> c s shah
>
> grasshopper wrote:
> >
> > Mermaiden
> >
> > She sits on an pearled imperial rock,
> > scaly buttocks snug against the shells.
> > Limpets lickle at her fingers, pedicure
> ...
> ...
> >
> > grasshopper
>
>
|