Many thanks for all your comments.
Christina, Bob, Roger,
You were all unsure about 'kvetch' here, but ,for me, this is about an
internal dialogue, and the narrator is using humour to cope with his
situation. I can only read this line as a bit of self-mockery:
Stiff upper lip. Don't wimp or whinge. Don't kvetch.
so I think kvetch fits --but of course it either works for a reader or it
doesn't.
Christina,
You suggest another form for this poem, but for me it couldn't work with any
other form, It's about containing panic and fear, about squaring up to
things and getting on stoically with life - so I think the discipline and
shape of the sonnet is the perfect form. It is about how the narrator holds
back the fear and anger very firmly - so I don't think free verse would
work, and a pantoum would diffuse the content.
It's strange how a poem often seems to dictate its own form, isn't it ?
This one demanded to be a sonnet.
Kind regards,
      grasshopper

----- Original Message -----
From: Christina Fletcher
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2003 9:59 PM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Gut Reaction


I think it's technically a goodun and the ending's great, Insect.  I love
the chilled tongue and shocked teeth but not keen on kvetch.  What I'm less
sure about is whether the sonnet's the best form for this poem: it seems to
hold back the anger and fear to a certain extent.  Have you tried writing
this as free verse?  Might be interesting to see what happened if you tried
a pantoum: the repetition could be useful for the strong, nagging emotional
content.
bw
christina




                      Gut Reaction


Red in the bowl again, bright shocking spots,
beads strung with spittle, ruby mixed with jet.
Say it's tomato, peppers - there are lots
of explanations for those blobs. Don't sweat.  ***  I'm not sure about the
first four lines
Just wipe your mouth and fill a steady glass.
The cold tap foams. The water chills your tongue
and shocks your teeth. Grip this new day. Hold fast. *** love the chilled
tongue and shocked teeth
Remember how you felt once, fit and young
before this aged you, greyed your face and bowed
you down, an acolyte of pain, to retch
and spew. For now, no grumbling is allowed.
Stiff upper lip. Don't wimp or whinge. Don't kvetch.  ***  not keen on
kvetch.
Wait till the angels lift you up, then yell
'Please drop my bloody stomach off in Hell.'

                                          grasshopper