The throw away title is well done.
I love the poetic conceits of this poem especially 'lips gnarl 'where the
silent 'g' allows 'lip snarl' to emerge. The alliterations are subtle
especially the labio-dental fricatives ( look that up in your Funk and
Whignall LOL.) But seriously the sounds of " wore cowgirl boots to kickbox
strife" so eloquently marries sound to action.
One tiny, tiny nit, Ryfkah. Consistency in capitalising at the beginning of
a line or not would help. Regards Arthur. BTW give her my fondest greetings
and congratulations both on her birthday and landing a talented Mum.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, April 05, 2003 8:02 AM
Subject: New poem: One More Birthday
> One More Birthday
>
> Fireworks ferment on the freeway
> a Disneyland donation on Friday night
>
> A daughter's twenty-first birthday
> celebrated with Persian cuisine and candlelight
>
> With fighter's face and fiery hair
> she sparred into life
>
> spun sewing thread webs in the air
> wore cowgirl boots to kickbox strife
>
> My child orders her first drink
> Her lips gnarl with distaste
>
> Alone I think
> about the innocence we waste
>
> some morsel of immortality
> still savored in memory
>
> Ryfkah 4/4/03
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