Hello again Arthur,
Yes, I see quite clearly the train of thought you describe in the poem. What bothers me though is the generalisation you make about the fault in `perfection´. Call me an idealist, but `All things are marred´ seems a bit steep to me. Actually, I don´t regard myself as an idealist at all and would take exception to an overly romantic view of life, I could certainly go along with individual cases of love coming a cropper. But so much depends on how we define these words `love´, `corruption´ `perfection´ and `imperfection´. Life most certainly isn´t `perfect´ by some definitions. But then I would call those definitions `romantic´ and take exception to the definition rather than start an argument with `Life´. It comes down to expectations perhaps. Well, I could go on a long time on this subject and get into all manner of half-baked ideas ( I´ve always been interested in cookery, you see), but I won´t. The bottom line is that IMHO your poem would benefit if you made your example of imperfection specific rather than generalised. But it´s just an idea. What do you think?
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Thanks for the read Mike and for taking time to comment. The apparent move
from the shore to elsewhere is the train of thought set into motion by "
grey remembered eyes" and smoothness, a memory of a love, and then, the
fault in the 'perfection' of the pebble, reminds of the fault in the love,
the decline of all things, love included, from perfection to corruption, is
inherent in the 'seed' , first cause. A jaundiced point of view perhaps,
cynical but reality I would opine.The casting of the stone is to start over.
I am sorry this is not clear in the poem. I will look at it again.Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2003 9:51 AM
Subject: Re: New sub: Pebble
Hello Arthur,
I like the description in this piece very much, S1 and S2
especially. I also like the idea of the colouring of the stone triggering a
memory of someone known earlier. I didn´t so much like the word `lodges´ -
the final word in S6. What about `catches´ or is that a bit clichéd? I also
didn´t really see what point you were making with `the fruit´s corruption´.
It may be my obtuseness but this idea felt out of place in the poem. With
the final stanza I felt I was back in the `real´ poem again. Hope this is
useful.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Pebble.
The sea uncurls
shines and shoots
like hot solder
up the slope of beach.
The sand springs
tines of grasses,
wind-curved
to rake the air.
This stone, found perfect.
I toss to tumble
through the flare of sky.
It flies a moment
then smacks back
into my palm.
My fingers stroke
the sea-smoothed skin.
Grey as remembered eyes,
flecked and freckled,
smooth as the skin
on the inside of her arm.
Exploring fingers
discover a scar
a blemish too small
for eye, but the nail lodges.
All things are marred.
The fruit?s corruption?s
inherent in the seed.
I cast it
back into the scour
and rinse of the sea.
A bright flower
of shining water blooms.
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