Hello Ann,
Thanks for your reading and comments. I´ll have a little think about the changes you suggest.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
In a message dated 08/01/2003 08:45:50 GMT Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
> This is the dead end of the year.
> Nothing lives under this lowering sky.
> The frozen air weighs like stone.
> Booted and scarved and wool-wrapped to the ears
> I step out on the empty land
> where a line of distant pines divides
> converging planes of white and grey.
>
>
Dear Mike, I love the images you parade across this landscape. Just a
suggestion, what if you changed the first stanza around a bit and then miss
out the line 'Booted and scarved', as I personally find the wrapped up, cosy
image a distraction to the bleak and cold landscape, and then the quicker
repetition of 'This is the dead end' kind of solidifies the images. Just a
thought regards Ann
I step out on the empty land
where a line of distant pines divides
converging planes of white and grey.
This is the dead end of the year.
Nothing lives under this lowering sky.
The frozen air weighs like stone.
This is the dead end of the world
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