Fair comment Colin. I've gone over this one with the fine tooth comb and
came up with a more satisfactory version, detritus stays though. I do like
being thought of as cool.
bw
James
>From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: snow geese
>Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 20:25:19 +0100
>
>James,
>
>Not sure about appearance of detritus in this poem - sounds a bit
>technical.
>
>Lines 4 and 5 of S2 are write-off. Don't mean that exactly but it's an
>excuse for a pun. I mean that they sound like thay have come from an old
>novel rather than fresh from the stylus of a cool twenty first century kind
>of a guy.
>
>Lines 1 and 2 of 3 are lovely. As for the sentiment in the last two lines,
>I know what you mean. You can off course crouch down to lower your visual
>profile, as long as you don't look like you are in stalking and springing
>mode. Might help....Dunno
>
>
>Colin
>
>
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