Hello Arthur,
I like the description in this piece very much, S1 and S2 especially. I also like the idea of the colouring of the stone triggering a memory of someone known earlier. I didn´t so much like the word `lodges´ - the final word in S6. What about `catches´ or is that a bit clichéd? I also didn´t really see what point you were making with `the fruit´s corruption´. It may be my obtuseness but this idea felt out of place in the poem. With the final stanza I felt I was back in the `real´ poem again. Hope this is useful.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Pebble.
The sea uncurls
shines and shoots
like hot solder
up the slope of beach.
The sand springs
tines of grasses,
wind-curved
to rake the air.
This stone, found perfect.
I toss to tumble
through the flare of sky.
It flies a moment
then smacks back
into my palm.
My fingers stroke
the sea-smoothed skin.
Grey as remembered eyes,
flecked and freckled,
smooth as the skin
on the inside of her arm.
Exploring fingers
discover a scar
a blemish too small
for eye, but the nail lodges.
All things are marred.
The fruit?s corruption?s
inherent in the seed.
I cast it
back into the scour
and rinse of the sea.
A bright flower
of shining water blooms.
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