Hi Colin,
This one alsomst slipped through. I read it through and thought "I want to
think about the end-of-line-words" before I respond. So, it's lingered a
while.
Some end-of-line-words seem to repeat, and some seem to have rhyme or
almost-rhyme connections (so there's a finely drawn musicality through the
whole piece) and I wondered if any tinkering with creating a more more
formal patterning or shaping might help. (It could be complex or simple)
But the last line... I think "changeless" is a word that's a bit "iffy" - it
sort of feels less authentic (and too romantic) and not as unique as some of
the things you're saying...
And the title - let it include a place - and maybe something that hints at
the musicality (it's not a lament... but some word that denotes a lilting
sound...)
Whaddya think?
Bob
>Give me the Isle
>
>Give me the isle
>of the celandined turf
>and the silvered shore
>where the cattle come
>to dip their feet
>in the pure cool surf
>and the gulls alight
>on the ebbing sand,
>where the sound of the surf
>can be heard for miles
>on the crests of cliffs,
>from the flanks of fields
>and I would live there
>if I had my way
>and write my songs
>in the lea of the cliffs
>with the wind blowing over,
>and the clouds overhead.
>Till singing was done
>I would live there
>in summer's light
>where the daisy and celandine
>litter the grass
>and the house-martin flits
>and turns as it wings
>in the changeless blue.
>
>
>Eigg. June,1995.
>
>
> Any better title?
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