Christina,
I agree with Frank here but maybe if the two comments at the end of S2 were
reversed it might lie better.

         Then the slow drive past daffodils
         to top soil dry and warm with sunlight.
         The procession counted blessings:
         the cherry blossom over her grave
         will soon fall as confetti;
         she wanted to die before this war started.

Best
Roger

----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Faust" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, March 29, 2003 12:08 AM
Subject: Re: New sub: Peggie


Yo Christina,

I think I too may need to request the fags and a lighter when I go.

Nits to pick - one is about top soil. I think it should be one word - a
small thing but distracting.

The other is a dissatisfaction I felt with the line linkage of the
following:

she wanted to die before this war started;
the cherry blossom over her grave
will soon fall as confetti.

I think I wanted a line break after the first of them - structurally
wouldn't look as good, though.

Cheers,

Frank



         Peggie

         They did her hair and make-up as she lay
         that last night in the Holy Trinity -
         a stone's throw from home and the Social.
         At Mass the stained glass glowed -
         the face of Mary might have been anyone.
         "We put her lighter and Bensons in the coffin.
         She'll have her fags: always first on her list."

         Then the slow drive past daffodils
         to top soil dry and warm with sunlight.
         The procession counted blessings:
         she wanted to die before this war started;
         the cherry blossom over her grave
         will soon fall as confetti.

         Today light shines on the stitched suede leaves
         she left in 'The Imitation of Christ'.

         I wonder if she's home at last?







        christina fletcher