Thanks for this Chritina. It wasn't my finest hour by the riverbank and I
don't think I've got near my original intentions as yourself and others have
quite rightly recognised.



bw
James





>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: A Small Death
>Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2003 17:54:23 EST
>
>A few thoughts in the text, James.  I do like this and I think it could be
>really good but I've a few real problems with it too.
>bw
>christina
>
>
> > A SMALL DEATH
> >
> > Have seen my first dead bird today,  ***  I'm not sure that you need
>this
> > line.  It feels more poignant if the second follows on from the title.
> > a feathered heap upon the waterline
> > only visible through binoculars, even then  *** 'visible only'?
> > I barely manage to identify what it is.
> >
> > It's raining, the sky is grey,
> > the space around the dead bird desolate;
> > an oyster catcher, is the guess,
> > from plumage colour, for there's nothing else.
> >
> > I wonder how it ended there this rare
> > retiring bird I don't know so well;  ***  I really like these two lines:
> > the rare, retiring bird you don't know so well.
> > wild creatures tend to die of violence in nature,  ***  Is this line a
>bit
> > prosaic?
> > though this one had not been attacked  *** come on, James: how do you
>know
> > if you can hardly see it?
> >
> > by playful family dog or another  ***  I think there's a credibility gap
> > that needs sorting here.  I'm probably wrong since I sense that this is
>a
> > 'real' poem but I'm still left with the contradiction of visual
>distance.
> > more serious hunter, for no feathers
> > lay around, no signs of torn flesh -
> > just the stillnes - the soft toll of waves.  Typo but a lovely ending.
>
>


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