Thanks Mike, it's actually years old, that one, so I'd got used to it and
being the author, knew what I meant by it. But you've both encouraged me to
do some rearranging etc and I will certainly post it again when done.
Thanks, Trish
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 9:17 AM
Subject: Re: New Sub: Fencing In (A photograph)
Hello Trish,
I didn´t comment on this poem at first because I was unable to
make very much out of it. Now that I´ve read your reply to Bob it has become
much clearer what you were doing and what you were aiming at. I think the
idea as you explain it is a good one and could lead to a very interesting
poem. The problem as it stands is that the reader probably won´t ever get
close enough to your intention to appreciate it. I think that you need to
make it clearer that the text describes the narrator´s photographing trip. I
can understand your unwillingness to make this too blatant but I think some
subtle pointer is needed, more than just the reference to `photograph´ in
the title. (Although if the title was `Taking Photographs´ that might be
enough.) I like very much the brief details you include that convey the
impression of the ground and conditions underfoot and I agree with you fully
that these reinforce the concept of a photograph `fencing off´ a part of the
landscape. I don´t, however, very much like your line breaks. I don´t feel
that these enhance in any way the idea of cutting out sections of the whole,
which is what I imagine you were after. This could, of course, be just me.
As I said, I like the phrases you´ve used for the descriptive element of the
poem, but I might suggest one change at the end. What about `Step back onto
tarmac´, or is that too obvious?
Anyway, if you decide to rework this one I hope you´ll post a new version,
I´d like to see what you make of it.
Best wishes. Mike
----- Original Message -----
From: "Trish Harewood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2003 2:13 PM
Subject: Re: New Sub: Fencing In (A photograph)
> Dear Bob,
> It's about taking photographs on a walk and how a photograph, being
limited
> in it's scope, 'fences in' a landscape as the material fences fence-in a
> landscape.
> That's a mouthful, Slipping out on tarmac is returning from the landscape
to
> the ordinary world (road). So the photographer is doing the fencing. The
> branch is taken inside the camera.It's not just one photograph so perhaps
> I'd better make that clear somehow.It could be a whole series taken whilst
> on the walk.
>
> Hope that's helpful.
> Trish
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, March 24, 2003 1:22 PM
> Subject: Re: New Sub: Fencing In (A photograph)
>
>
> > Hi Trish,
> > I'm not yet able to make a link between the poem and the title. (And I
> keep
> > thinking there's an awful lot of movement for a photograph!)
> > I'll leave the title, then, and focus in on the poem...
> > Which I enjoy until I stumble a little at:
> > "Fence in
> > hours and weeks
> > of de-
> > composing
> > leaves.
> >
> > Slip out..."
> >
> > And I can't work out who's done (or doing) the fencing! Then I assume
it's
> > the "we" of the poem who slip out of the spinney - but I could be so
> wrong!
> > Then, even tho there's twigs they haven't taken, they carried in a huge
> > branch!
> > I'm sorry, I'm mega-confused.
> > Bob
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > >From: Trish Harewood <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: New Sub: Fencing In (A photograph)
> > >Date: Thu, 20 Mar 2003 21:30:17 -0000
> > >
> > > Talking of paling Arthur, here's something else I'd like to put to
the
> > >test. Thanks,
> > >
> > >trish
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >FENCING IN: A PHOTOGRAPH
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Not taking
> > >twigs from soil
> > >
> > >we go
> > >
> > >shuffling
> > >
> > >on the muddy banks.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >In the wet
> > >
> > >spinney walk
> > >
> > >between
> > >
> > >the black
> > >
> > >chesnut poles.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >By the
> > >
> > >cut and dry
> > >
> > >paling
> > >
> > >name a
> > >
> > >couple of fields.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Fence in
> > >
> > >hours and weeks
> > >
> > >of de-
> > >
> > >composing
> > >
> > >leaves.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Slip out
> > >
> > >on tarmac
> > >
> > >taking
> > >
> > >the branch inside.
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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>
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