Dear Colin,
Actually, if you can ignore the name, there is a serious purpose behind
this form. If you look at the shape, it's rather like a truncated mirror
cinquain. However, I have seen very few cinquains that make the most of the
form (the final 2 syllables should snap, not fizzle), and the mirror
cinquain often seems a double damp squib too. What it needs is more
discipline, and the strict rhyme gives the form a backbone, I feel.
Having two separate strophes that are not obviously connected, yet linked
by the rhyme, I think gives an opportunity to explore subtle connections
between them.
Kind regards.
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 12:43 PM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] the New sub Castle -the Bum
> Grassy,
>
> It couldn't be more obvious that you are taking the satire and yet I can't
> help admiring the compression of images and ideas in the second stanza.
> Muffle that lion!
>
> Who said it would be easy, turning the other cheek?
>
> Colin
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2003 1:52 PM
> Subject: the New sub Castle -the Bum
>
>
> > Trying plain text, not not sure it formatting will hold........
> >
> >
> >
> > the keep,
> > a curved stone tooth,
> > juts below a scumbled sweep
> > of oyster-grey and pearly blue.
> >
> > Thunder shakes the eastern view
> > and wakes old lions from sleep.
> > In war, all truth
> > lies deep.
> >
> >
> > grasshopper
> >
> >
>
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