Hi david,
I like this a lot more than your previous post (about sand and things -
which I still can't get into!). This is still a bit abstract but I'm getting
clearer, more user-friendly, pictures...
Might it work better if you put all these feelings into a room (and not into
your brain). Know what I mean? The phrase "of MY brain" sort of means I
can't really share what you're saying (because it's your brain and I want
the poem to get into my brain...).
And the couplet:
">A philosophy screams to all the
>disconnected creatures afraid of feeling betrayed."
isn't easy for me to cope with because I keep thinking "there's so many
philosophers, so many philospical schools, and I get frustrated - because I
can't work out which one you might mean...
The last two couplets, tho, are muscular, powerful, frightening... (I'm
seeing the sword hung on a wall... and I feel chilled as I see it - and I've
never heard of paint being caled "organic" before but I now believe it
exists - you're convicing me in these two couplets, not confusing me or
confounding me!).

Bob






>From: "D.C Bursey" <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Alone
>Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 17:43:06 -0330
>
>Observations of memories in photographs
>are pinned to the walls of my brain.
>
>They stagger my inspiration
>heartbreaking and sweeping.
>
>A philosophy screams to all the
>disconnected creatures afraid of feeling betrayed.
>
>The blade of the sword glints and
>smiles at the wasted life.
>
>Organic paint drips on weeping ornaments
>constricted by the timelessness of stone.


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