Hi James,
Sorry but I think this is still a sort of baby of a poem. It's got feelings,
it's moving, it's got a life - but I sort of feel it's not yet walking too
strongly, or saying things too clearly.
I'd be tempted to try it in the first person voice (which might sharpen up a
few of the things), and then the third person voice (which will probably cut
a lot of things out - including some of the thing's you've reworked!) and
think that less is more, and maybe aim for the playful clarity of Motzart or
the urgent notes of the bird!
Linking a bluetit, Motzart, driving a car, and the millenium is an amazingly
exciting prospect. I hope the baby grows!
Bob






>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Crossroads
>Date: Sat, 4 Jan 2003 11:46:14 +0000
>
>My first this year. Could be my last. Who knows? It not in a final form so
>comments are welcome. Text format is difficult to form into something more
>concrete (no reference to a certain type of poetry intended).
>
>CROSSROADS
>
>A blue tit heard the flute pitch
>            through windscreen glass
>as you watched each other listen over the ditch,
>     a chasm each instinct of the other said
>could not be crossed.
>            You do not care for darkness
>and your eyes swallow whole
>        the antics of the small bird outside
>as he brightens up your day
>         in the brief midday sunlight
>as both respond in different ways
>         to the Mozart concerto being played on Classic FM
>
>It crosses your mind that as the
>twenty-first century gets underway
>how poetry from the last
>is still being assessed -
>
>                it crosses your mind in the same way
>as the flute crosses the mind
>          of your little buddy the blue tit
>who assessed Mozart in an instant
>         though between the three
>only Mozart's combination of notes
>         are the constants here - for
>your mind flits free like the bird
>         that soon disappears and leaves
>you with your thoughts as they
>        appear at the crossroads you sit near
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
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