Arthur,

Good question. I think that the first stanza would remain as it is. As for
the second, I would feel uneasy about the fusion of metaphors
(black hole and flower). Also I would be troubled that I had over-simplified
what in reality must be a very complex set of emotions for the subject. Do
I/did I know enough about them?
If I were to write it again I would feel obliged to take into account
unconscious processes in the communication. They may be available in the
poem as it is but I might make them more explicit.

As for the sentiment I would feel it now as I did then. I remember my
cousin-in-law before she became a salesgirl, natural in her behaviour,
generous and with a great capacity to enjoy the simple things in life, the
company of other people in particular and I remember the transition as she
entered commercial life, the cynicism of attitude and the development of a
false sweetness, rather than the natural sweetness that she had before. I
think I knew before her family did how hazardous a path this was and how
empty the promises of material affluence that drew her along it. Fool's gold
indeed.  A year later her teeth were stained with nicotine and her face had
a sallow and sunken appearance which she was inclined to cover with
increasing amounts of make up. A friend of hers said that she had been
seduced by the temptations of  the Western world, had lost herself to them
and was finding it more and more difficult to sustain the good-humour
relentlessly required by the job that maintained her in the lifestlye to
which she had become accustomed (or was unable to relinquish). Nevertheless
it probably was better than being unemployed. She needed some means to make
her way in the world and all of these would have required some sacrifice. It
is true that aspects of the job that I did at that time were similar. In
addition I worked with many salesgirls, which improved my scant knowledge of
the pressures that they face. I was trained how to smile (top teeth over
bottom lip, stretching the mouth while tilting the head slightly back).
However I subjected myself to these pressures in a spirit of enquiry and had
other assets, poetry perhaps. At at any rate I came to them with a
resilience that made unlikely any lasting psychological damage. However she
came to it as a vulnerable, readily-influenced person and risked being
drowned by them. It was very much this kind of person that I had in mind
when I saw the robin at the airport in another poem I posted a few weeks
ago. The robin (as symbol of person) has a capacity to flourish in the world
as it is, but seduced by glittering promises of a better life, falls and
risks losing everything.

Incidentally, you may or may not wonder why I am posting older poems.
Firstly people suggest points which cause me to make small improvements
(which even after years I am not able to make for myself). Secondly it
allows me to absorb a way of looking at poems which I may be able to apply
to future projects (at least to have as a bench mark). Thirdly, I am curious
to see which people like when my own poems are forced to compete with each
other (once again as a heuristic process rather than something that I would
follow slavishly). Thirdly, although I wrote them for their own sake I get a
certain pleasure in sharing them, that they are seen at all by anyone. In
fact not just anyone, but by fellow poets. If just one other person can be
interested in one of them, then it's worthwhile in my mind.

Best wishes and thanks for taking an interest.

Colin




----- Original Message -----
From: "arthur seeley" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2003 8:14 PM
Subject: Re: newsub/salesgirl( Colin)


> I have already commented on this but I note you wrote this in 1995 and
> wonder if you were to write it now would it be different? if so, in what
> way? Regards Arthur.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, March 24, 2003 6:32 PM
> Subject: newsub/salesgirl
>
>
> > Salesgirl Smile
> >
> >
> > I do not blame you for your falseness,
> > your well-conditioned hair,
> > an ever-willing handshake
> > and that dazzling smile.
> > If life must mark us-
> > coalminer's hands, doctor's health,
> > you merely stand to lose sincerity.
> > To lose only this is accomplishment.
> >
> >
> > So I don't know why it makes me sad
> > to see that enamelled smile.
> > Perhaps your radiant glow
> > is worse than ill-intent,
> > knows darkness so deep
> > not even love can escape,
> > because you lean to me like a flower
> > collapsing under its own weight of sweetness,
> > ever-sinking, ever-rising to lift itself
> > from a colourless despair.
> >
> >
> >
> > Tokyo, April 1995
>
>