James,

If a can risk a more contentious point from a distance I sense that you are
quite disengaged from your bird subject(s). This may be deliberate.
Disengaged is not the same as detached. I mean it as a potential criticism,
but a helpful one I hope. As a reader I do not feel that I can engage with
the bird as a significant thing. As it stands it reads like "intelligent
adult human encounters dead bird"). What can I carry from the poem into my
own life?

And yet it is so potent, to see a dead creature that was once capable of
flight. What are you as author in touch with as a result of your encounter
 with the dead bird? (no need to answer).

Colin




----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2003 8:56 AM
Subject: Re: New sub: A Small Death(Colin)


> Again thanks for your insight. This is not consciously metaphor or
symbolic,
> as many of these poems are this was written on site with binoculars round
> neck. My speculation is off and outside logicI guess, though these again
> were thoughts of the moment. There has been a further draft since this one
> and I can see a few more tidying points are due too.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: New sub: A Small Death
> >Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2003 10:54:33 -0000
> >
> >James,
> >
> >Not sure what to make of this. the subject matter is rich. Is it an
> >extended
> >metaphor? In which case I would look for more symbolic weight to create a
> >sense of dual vision (between object and symbol). Is IT an empirical
poem?
> >In which case I would expect it to be more closely observed.
> >
> >"wild creatures tend to die of violence in nature". That's too great a
> >generalisation. Depends on the organism and the stage in the life cycle.
An
> >oyster catcher chick would be likely to die from violence (flightless and
> >vulnerable, waiting to get snapped up by a black-backed gull or some
such)
> >but an adult has other hazards (weather and shortage of food). Certainly
> >there are birds of prey that could take them out in the air, but they
> >themselves are rare, under greater threat of extinction than a humble
> >oyster
> >catcher. A dog, playful or otherwise would just be a nuisance as flying
> >away
> >is such an effective defence.
> >
> >A few other suggs in the poem.
> >
> >BW,
> >
> >Colin
> >----- Original Message -----
> >From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> >Sent: Saturday, March 22, 2003 12:29 PM
> >Subject: New sub: A Small Death
> >
> >
> > > Back to a theme I don't seem to have found the bottom to yet.
> > >
> > >
> > > A SMALL DEATH
> > >
> > > Have seen my first dead bird today,
> > > a feathered heap upon the waterline
> > > only visible through WITH INSTEAD OF THROUGH binoculars, even then
> > > I barely manage to identify what it is.
> > >
> > > It's raining, the sky is grey,
> > > the space around the dead bird desolate;
> > > an oyster catcher, is the guess,
> > > from plumage colour, for there's nothing else.
> > >
> > > I wonder how it ended there this rare
> > > retiring bird I don't know so DELETE SO well;
> > > wild creatures tend to die of violence in nature,
> > > though this one had not been attacked
> > >
> > > by playful family dog or another
> > > more serious hunter, for no feathers
> > > lay around, no signs of torn flesh -
> > > just the stillnes - the soft toll of waves.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > bw
> > > James
> > >
> > >
> > > LIKE THE ENDING, THE SOFT TOLL OF WAVES
> > >
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