Hi Christina,
Yes, I think you've put into words what's (really) wrong with the poem! 
Thanks!
I guess I'm assuming the narrator sort of knows all about Mr. Yousef - but 
I'm giving no clue how he knows what he knows. I'm either assuming the 
narrator knows him, and sees him where he's seen him before, or the 
narrator's "that omniscient voice that often writes poems but never really 
engages with what they're on about."
I want to be the narrator. So I guess I need to focus on how it is I see him 
there, weave that into what's going on... (then leave it somewhere on its 
own and see if it still works for me when I discover it again!).
Thanks!
Bob






>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Seeking Benefit (continued)(Bob)
>Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 13:07:12 EST
>
>Yes, that's why I thought my comment was illogical, Bob and I've been
>thinking about why your poem gave me problems on and off since then and 
>think
>I might almost have worked it out.  I think it's to do with being unable to
>work out the relationship between the narrator and the subject of the poem.
>I think the poem implies (to me) that the narrator knows (Mr) Yousef - that
>he's been there before, has shown the photograph, has difficulty
>understanding/reading English.  At the same time, the narrator doesn't seem
>to be one of the staff in the office - they'd be bound to call him Mr 
>Yousef
>but this doesn't read like a benevolent bureaucracy poem.  So the 
>narrator's
>an outsider with inside information (?).  If the narrator's a friend, he's
>unlikely to call him Mr Yousef.  But who is the narrator?  S/he's inside 
>the
>office, watching what's going on.  But this kind of office doesn't often
>afford people the opportunity to get to know each other so I'm left with a
>credibility gap.  Alternatively, the poem's written from (Mr) Yousef's
>viewpoint but he almost wouldn't think of himself as Mr Yousef (anymore 
>than
>I'd think of myself as Frau Fletcher).  I'm probably being super thick here
>but it's still giving me problems.  Oh boy...   Probably better to ignore
>this - it will pass with a bit of luck:-)
>bw
>c
>
>
> > What I did on Saturday, Christina, was check the BT web phone directory 
>site
>
> > and typed in Yousef – I found there was quite a few so I might just 
>leave
> > it
>
> > as it is for a while. But I’m thinking more about the rain and the 
>tears…
>
> > that’s the bit, I feel, that needs work doing! I’m playing: typing 
>one
>
> > phrase I feel is doing something interesting and then returning to it 
>and
>
> > saying “nah” and trying another…
>
> > And I don’t mind, Ann, if the nativity source of the image doesn’t 
>come
>
> > through. I sort of think that sometimes such things depend on context as
>
> > well as text. (At a reading, for instance, it might be enough to hint as
>
> > assylum seekers, the vagaries of the Benefit System, the flight to 
>Egypt,
>
> > and leave the poem to make the links easily. But I don’t mind if such
>
> > background doesn’t emerge for a reader for years (I mean I sometimes
> > re-read
>
> > poems I first read and liked ages and ages ago and only now discovering
> > some
>
> > of the things that are there…). I mean it may only be a mountaineer 
>who
>
> > looks at the Mona Lisa and wonders, at first glance, more about the
>
> > mountains in the background than the smile on the face. But eventually
> > other
>
> > people may look beyond the face and see the background too. I think 
>it’s
>
> > sometimes the same with poems. I sense, Ryfkah, you’re glimpsing the 
>bigger
>
> > picture – but I’m still worried about the details!
>
> > Bob
>
> >
>
>


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