Dear Ryfka,
I think the lines 'I remember the sea parting' and 'I think about Hitler'
deserve some space of their own. If you prefer not to use commas and
full-stops perhaps brackets would do the trick Also, if you will pardon me
saying, I don't think the children need to 'sing' as well as 'intone' in the
last 4 lines of the first long section. The repetition of 'they' adds to
that superfluity!
But I enjoy reading your poems for the Jewish take on Life, the Unverse and
Everything.
Thanks, I'm glad you're out there!
Trish
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2003 2:02 AM
Subject: New: Fear Itself
> Fear Itself (for Ozer Bergman, my teacher)
>
> The children voice they are afraid
> it being a matter of life and death
> They pronounce God can't stop the war
> I remember the Sea parting
> The children wonder about war
> if it is ever justified
> I think about Hitler
> The children pray for peace
> Shalom Rav they sing
> May the Holy One's sheltering wings
> spread over us and the world
> they intone
>
> Rebbe Nachman teaches
> Life is a narrow bridge
> You should not be afraid
>
> The children return to their homes
> They watch cartoons
> play video games
>
> God is everywhere
>
> Ryfkah 3/23/03
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