In a message dated 03/17/2003 1:17:48 PM Central Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< Labyrinth
Who would have thought
that one as foolish as me
could survive in the world you have made?
It is good I can be like you,
fit in so well
you do not recognise
beneath this business-suited façade,
I am alive in the labyrinth,
having hid my face
the better to mimic
every twist of your captious brain,
every action of your soldier's heart.
As the dandelion spreads its seeds,
I climb to the tops of your office blocks
to unfold my dreams.
Tokyo 1995 >> I really don't understand this poem, but I like the sound of
it. I am wondering if dandelion seeds really fit in with the title? Also
"as me" should be "as I." The "as I am" is a test for this kind of
construction. You would not say "as me am."
My suggestion is to keep your metaphor of the title sustained throughout and
to open this one up just a little more for the reader. Sue
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