Hi James,
As has already been mentioned, "public tongue work" is a bit of a mouthful -
to say!
I've also found, in each time I've read it, I've wanted the penultimate
stanza to run on into the last stanza! The phrasing seems to build up a
momentum and the full stop - after "weather" in the penultimate stanza)
seems to cheat me of a smile I may find if the sentiment that begins "for
fickle love..." continues in the first line of the last block of words. Know
whatta mean? I sort of sense doing that might also force the last stanza to
say something stronger than it's doing at the moment.
I love the run-on lines in the rest of the poem! (Perhaps that's part of why
I'm wanting another one - cos you play with them so well!).
Bob
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: An Endorsement For Patricia
>Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 08:52:47 +0000
>
>This is based on a relationship I had with someone who is now in the acting
>profession. We parted on fairly amicable terms, I think.
>
>AN ENDORSEMENT FOR PATRICIA
>
>Kissing Patricia was something of great pleasure
>although she was someone whom I hardly knew,
>for our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
>When our lips bonded with tight measure
>for months, during which our bodies drew
>close together, was something of great pleasure.
>
>Still, our frantic kissing was not a treasure,
>tight clinches in the park our only due,
>for our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
>Our public tongue work may have caused one seizure,
>though we were oblivious at attempts to sue
>for kissing Patricia was something of great pleasure.
>
>When we decided to split it was such a clever
>career move, something we never knew
>was inevitable for fickle love, like the weather.
>
>Now she'd love to become a fickle national treasure
>and I've written this for her and all of you
>to say: kissing Patricia was a great pleasure
>though our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
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