It's tricky isn't it Arthur. I suppose if I was being hair splitting I'd say
the need to stay within the form makes the language a little unnatural and
there's the slight clunking effect you can get from the villanelle form when
there's not too much enjambment scattered around. With these slight
reservations this is a prety good showing in all.
bw
James
>From: arthur seeley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub: Castle: The villanelle
>Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 10:55:15 -0000
>
>The Castle: The Villanelle
>
>
>Though centuries have levelled tower and keep
>the walls can still define the sheltered pale.
>Where market, town and patterned meadows sweep
>
>the castle guarded clouds of drifting sheep
>that helped the town to prosper in its narrow vale
>though centuries have levelled tower and keep
>
>that thwarted envy and allowed the folk to reap
>and sell their harvest, labour to avail
>where market, town and patterned meadows sweep.
>
>Children of the builders in comfort sleep,
>the solace of its grey walls still prevails
>though centuries have levelled tower and keep
>
>and tourists come to view the noble heap
>snug in the muscled fells and rolling dale
>where market, town and patterned meadows sweep
>
>No longer need the folk from terror creep
>for only winter wars and gales assail
>the market, town and patterned meadow-sweep
>and centuries have levelled tower and keep.
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