James,
You will know by now that this form is prone to a slightly jarring effect
which can be offset by judicious use of enjambment.
Glad to hear that you parted on amicable terms. No broken bones by the sound
of it.
This is a hard form to perform well and so certain contrivances in language
that would normally be frowned upon can be forgiven. However one line goes
too far IMO. "Our public tongue work may have caused one seizure". It's
amusing, yes, but it sounds too awkward.
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, March 14, 2003 8:52 AM
Subject: New sub: An Endorsement For Patricia
> This is based on a relationship I had with someone who is now in the
acting
> profession. We parted on fairly amicable terms, I think.
>
> AN ENDORSEMENT FOR PATRICIA
>
> Kissing Patricia was something of great pleasure
> although she was someone whom I hardly knew,
> for our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
> When our lips bonded with tight measure
> for months, during which our bodies drew
> close together, was something of great pleasure.
>
> Still, our frantic kissing was not a treasure,
> tight clinches in the park our only due,
> for our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
> Our public tongue work may have caused one seizure,
> though we were oblivious at attempts to sue
> for kissing Patricia was something of great pleasure.
>
> When we decided to split it was such a clever
> career move, something we never knew
> was inevitable for fickle love, like the weather.
>
> Now she'd love to become a fickle national treasure
> and I've written this for her and all of you
> to say: kissing Patricia was a great pleasure
> though our love was fickle, like the weather.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
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