Mike,
Oh no, not Priapus rearing his ugly head again!
I like this poem, particularly the middle part. I don't mind the first and
third stanza by way of setting the scene, though others might. I take this
as a poem that purports a significant content and fairly esoteric at that.
So if you took an esoteric content and paired it with an understated form it
would be asking a lot of the reader. However if either the first or the
third stanza were to go (as almost duplicative) I would keep the third.
Suggs in capitals below.....
Did you know that Wittgenstein said in his Tractatus: "Language disguises
thought. So much so, that from the outward form of the clothing it is
impossible to infer the form of the thought beneath it, because the outward
form of the clothing is not disguised to reveal the form of the body, but
for entirely different purposes"?
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, March 14, 2003 12:01 PM
Subject: New sub: Language of desire
Language of Desire
There isnīt only one way to say this;THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SAY THIS
even the demotic has its dialectsEVEN THE DEMOTIC HAS DIALECTS (SLIGHT
STRETCH FROM CORRECT USAGE OF THE WORD DIALECT, BUT POSSIBLY OK)
and not everyone admits the compulsion to colloquialism.THIS LINE IS NOT OK,
BUT IT'S HARD TO THINK OF STH BETTER ???? NOT ALL OF US ADMIT WANTING TO BE
COLLOQUIAL
An orchid springs from my belly,
its roots are buried deep,
and though the orchid seems more Diana than Priapus,
looks might deceive.
For DELETE FOR we do not choose our deepest desires, WE DO NOT CHOOSE DESIRE
we find them, rather, planted within us, WE FIND IT PLANTED IN US
and that seed does not fall on stone
but on the fertile soil of flesh and bone.
Yes, there are other ways to say this.
Words have their own natures and origins,
a different taste on different tongues.
And in modest England ideas must be clothed in them, REMOVE ENGLAND. ITS NOT
THE ONLY PLACE THAT IS MODEST. PEOPLE IN EG INDIA AND CHINA ARE MODEST IN
THEIR OWN WAYS, AND THIS WORKS TO THE POEM'S ADVANTAGE BECAUSE WHAT YOU HAVE
TO SAY ABOUT LANGUAGE GOES DEEPER THAN A CULTURAL MODE
but some people like to dress up more than others.
COULD SAY EG: MODEST IDEAS ARE CLOTHED IN THEM, SOME MORE THAN OTHERS.
THESE ARE JUST SUGGS AND I WOULD BE QUITE HAPPY FOR YOU TO IGNORE THEM.
Mike
|
