hi Tamara
Thank you very much for your suggestions and comments
smiles
david
tammara wrote:
> Hi David
> It's lovely and there are some really good lines like the last two. I
> have a suggestion: try to replace all the "let me" with "I'll". I think
> it would make the poem much stronger and move it further away from
> cliché.
> All the best
> Tammara
>
> visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of D.C Bursey
> Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2003 11:02 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: My Love
>
> Let me love you
> on the first night of forever,
> whisper love songs
> until you fall asleep.
>
> Let me read you
> a poem in the morning.
> Let me breathe you
> like my first and last breath.
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