Hi David,
You're sailing pretty close to the cliche currents here... but the last two
lines redeem it...
and the "first night of forever" - ? Hey, I first read that as simply being
a cliche rattling in a choclate box with Johnny Mathis and roses on the top
- or are you hiding something about dying and being dead in the phrase too?
Bob
>From: "D.C Bursey" <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: My Love
>Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2003 17:32:02 -0330
>
>Let me love you
>on the first night of forever,
>whisper love songs
>until you fall asleep.
>
>Let me read you
>a poem in the morning.
>Let me breathe you
>like my first and last breath.
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