Hi Sarah,
And welcome to the list!
And don't worry about metered or free form. Both appear. Both get
comments...
So, how's about what I thinks about this...
Well Arthur's mentioned the exactness of the word "endless" - but I guess in
the days of vinyl words like "endless" were heard in lyrics and a term like
"dramatic irony" might be used to say it stays (ie we all know it's not
endless - and that's the point of saying it is endless, cos it isn't!)
I was more tripped up by the reference to dancing - the "move and counter
move" phrase - which seems to hint at something very sophisticated and
complex (exact feet and postures) - but "song" and "tune" seem to be words
with a more relaxed type of music and dancing in mind.
The way I say the words (my mouth music?) makes the music seem more to do
with an orchestra/band and one person belting or crooning out a melody - but
I could be totally wrong!
And the way the form of the poem and the content work? Canny!
Bob





>From: arthur seeley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub - Our Song ( Sarah)
>Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2003 08:29:21 -0000
>
>What most people here favour?? I imagine you mean that most of the work is
>free form, Sarah. Or at least appears to be. Thinking back you are probably
>right, if that is what you mean, but I don't think that means that form is
>frowned upon.
>I am not sure of the name of the particular form you have used here. It
>clearly is a form with its repetitions and rhymes. I am sure you will tell
>me-or someone will. Repetitions are fine and properly chosen ring like
>bells
>in a piece and take on deeper and deeper meaning and resonance as the poem
>continues. This is a good read and a fine poem for your first offering.
>I hate to pick at other's work but is the groove on a record disc
>'endless'?? Can't think of an alternative to offer though. Regards Arthur
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Sarah Willans" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2003 9:53 PM
>Subject: New sub - Our Song
>
>
> > Now James and Frank can get their own back! I'm aware that this isn't
>the
> > sort of thing that most people who post here favour, and I'm not totally
> > convinced about it myself, but I would be grateful for any opinions.
> > Thanks - Sarah
> >
> >
> > Our Song
> >
> > Round and round and round it goes,
> > needle in an endless groove.
> > Love recedes as anger grows,
> > anger ebbs, makes way for love.
> >
> > All we were before the song
> > changed, forever, as it rose -
> > wavering, then clear and strong.
> > Round and round and round it goes.
> >
> > Now we play, and play again,
> > the tune that taught us how to love,
> > feeding ecstasy with pain -
> > needle in an endless groove.
> >
> > Rhythms rise, intensify,
> > peaking, falling. Tempo slows
> > to silence as the music dies.
> > Love recedes as anger grows.
> >
> > But the music swells again.
> > Dancing, move and countermove,
> > we mark the beat, forget the pain;
> > anger ebbs, makes way for love.
> >
> > Vows that no-one ever knows,
> > declarations never proved.
> > Round and round and round it goes,
> > needle in an endless groove.


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