Hello Sarah,
            Welcome to the list. Anything goes, as they say, but personally those forms which use repeated lines have never been amongst my favourites - but that is just personal, of course. This one seems to be skilfully done and there´s nothing I could suggest regarding your employment of the form since I know so little about its technicalities. Regarding content; your subject, relationships, and what´s gone wrong with one, or how might we/they put it right, is always an interesting one. I found your use of the record and the repeated playing of it as an image of boredom/repetition in the marriage also an interesting device. One thing that struck me as a little unclear was how exactly the reader should read the use of the image. Is your idea that a relationship is inevitably a case of ups and downs - love, then anger, then love - where the playing of the song represents the good times and the dying of the music represents the arguments. Stanzas 4 and 5 seem to suggest this interpretation. Or is the idea more that when a relationship becomes mere habit and repetition it is no longer vital? Lines 5 and 6 ( especially the use of the word `forever´) and the repetitions of `round and round ...endless groove´ seem to suggest this interpretation more. Or have I just got muddled in my reading - always a likely explanation?
Anyway, I hope these reactions from one reader are useful.


Best wishes,   Mike




--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Now James and Frank can get their own back! I'm aware that this isn't the
sort of thing that most people who post here favour, and I'm not totally
convinced about it myself, but I would be grateful for any opinions.
Thanks - Sarah


Our Song

Round and round and round it goes,
needle in an endless groove.
Love recedes as anger grows,
anger ebbs, makes way for love.

All we were before the song
changed, forever, as it rose -
wavering, then clear and strong.
Round and round and round it goes.

Now we play, and play again,
the tune that taught us how to love,
feeding ecstasy with pain -
needle in an endless groove.

Rhythms rise, intensify,
peaking, falling. Tempo slows
to silence as the music dies.
Love recedes as anger grows.

But the music swells again.
Dancing, move and countermove,
we mark the beat, forget the pain;
anger ebbs, makes way for love.

Vows that no-one ever knows,
declarations never proved.
Round and round and round it goes,
needle in an endless groove.