What most people here favour?? I imagine you mean that most of the work is
free form, Sarah. Or at least appears to be. Thinking back you are probably
right, if that is what you mean, but I don't think that means that form is
frowned upon.
I am not sure of the name of the particular form you have used here. It
clearly is a form with its repetitions and rhymes. I am sure you will tell
me-or someone will. Repetitions are fine and properly chosen ring like bells
in a piece and take on deeper and deeper meaning and resonance as the poem
continues. This is a good read and a fine poem for your first offering.
I hate to pick at other's work but is the groove on a record disc
'endless'?? Can't think of an alternative to offer though. Regards Arthur
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sarah Willans" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2003 9:53 PM
Subject: New sub - Our Song
> Now James and Frank can get their own back! I'm aware that this isn't the
> sort of thing that most people who post here favour, and I'm not totally
> convinced about it myself, but I would be grateful for any opinions.
> Thanks - Sarah
>
>
> Our Song
>
> Round and round and round it goes,
> needle in an endless groove.
> Love recedes as anger grows,
> anger ebbs, makes way for love.
>
> All we were before the song
> changed, forever, as it rose -
> wavering, then clear and strong.
> Round and round and round it goes.
>
> Now we play, and play again,
> the tune that taught us how to love,
> feeding ecstasy with pain -
> needle in an endless groove.
>
> Rhythms rise, intensify,
> peaking, falling. Tempo slows
> to silence as the music dies.
> Love recedes as anger grows.
>
> But the music swells again.
> Dancing, move and countermove,
> we mark the beat, forget the pain;
> anger ebbs, makes way for love.
>
> Vows that no-one ever knows,
> declarations never proved.
> Round and round and round it goes,
> needle in an endless groove.
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