Hello Gary,
Thanks for your reading and suggestions. I´ll have a look at maybe tightening up the opening stanza. As regards the voice, though, I´m not sure that a child´s would really suit the theme of this one...maybe (?).
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Mike, an alternative start to
This is Museum Street, where my father once worked,
where I visited as a toddler, can just recall
sun on linoleum and a high window
with a cream-painted sill.
On my way to the British Museum
I fancy my feet strike the same stones
my father´s did all those years ago.
instead
Museum Street
where my father once worked, I visited
as a toddler. I can
then redo so that there is more child and less adult speaking about the
child.
Thanks.
Gary
Feb CE Chaffin, Celebrations and Blessings at:
http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html --- Writer's Hood at
http://www.writershood.com/... Poets for Peace.... ¡Poemas sí, balas no!
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