Hi grasshopper,
I'm trawling through what's been here for ages - and coming up with such
valuable pieces of writing!
I guess others have already made comments (haven't got to them yet...) but
my only (slight) reserve is the word "sweet" in the last stanza. Adjectives
is tricky ain't they just. "Sweet" just won't work (as being actual or
startling-yet-plausible-in-a-poem-good) for me.
All else is powerful, frightening, and the ending...
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: To those in the air
>Date: Sun, 16 Feb 2003 00:49:00 -0000
>
> To those in the air.
>
>
>I am on the ground.
>one of the underpeople
>who hears an explosion
>and feels the blast.
>
>From above it is a puff of smoke,
>a pepper of dust.
>Fly away, and leave us
>to comfort the girl who screams
>because she cannot find
>her legs and the man
>who bubbles sound
>without teeth or a tongue.
>
>High in the air
>there is no smell,
>just the sweet rush of air,
>the neat phrases
>on the radio.
>It must be like having wings.
>
> grasshopper
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